1 Corinthians 15:10 (Message) "But because God was so gracious, so very generous, here I am. And I'm not about to let His grace go to waste. Haven't I worked hard trying to do more than any of the others? Even then, my work didn't amount to all that much. It was God giving me the work to do, God giving me the energy to do it."
Your grace, O Lord, it still amazes me. Still every day no matter what is going on, what I am doing, what I feel like, it's Your grace that sustains me, that keeps me going. The enemy has really been working me over since yesterday, probably from the day before, truth be told. Just one little jab after another. And today, I can not believe I fell into a trap and told a lie. It didn't even have to do with me, it was to help someone else. I don't do this, yet out of my mouth here it came. I had to call the person back and confess to the lie, I had to. I couldn't let this stand. But still it was all over me, the curse of the enemy, the laughter, the condemnation. My countenance fell so low. When I returned from lunch, my assistant looked at me and told me I must have had a bad lunch. I just told her no, not bad. Then a customer came in and asked me what was wrong, was I sick? I said no, and they told me something was wrong, I did not have the usual joy about me. Was I so transparent, Lord. I guess I really am. People have no trouble recognizing I am Your child from the joy that radiates for me, normally. Except today. I suppose I could say I am still tired, or weary today; but I can find no excuse for allowing satan to trip me up. Yes, my Father, I know You expect that at times I will fall, and You will be there to catch me but I am so sorry.
I know Your forgiveness has already been extended to me, Your Word promises that if we are repentant, it is done. I ask Father, that You lift this weight of defeat off me Thank you Lord, I hear it. I am writing while beautiful piano music is playing and I am now hearing the beautiful sounds of Grace, Grace, God's Grace. How good You are to me Father, to give that to me just at this moment. I can feel the weight begin to lift as You fill my room with Your presence to hold me once again as I cry, so repentant and regretful, so wanting to wish I could go back, but cannot. Yes, Lord, I know, tomorrow is another day and Your grace extends to cover me now, yesterday and tomorrow. You remove all stain from sin and wash me once again in the precious blood of my Savior, Jesus.
You have had me lay myself open again before all, Lord. It is difficult to do so, but I go where You lead, I cannot do this if I am not going to follow You through the pain and through the joy, so I am sure You have a reason for me telling everyone about this. I know I am to be a light to all, but surely this is not light. Yes, I see, it is to explain Your beautiful grace that extends to Your children, no matter what trap they fall into, You are there to pick them up, clean them up and restore them again with Your grace, Your love. I will never be perfect my Father, I know that, all I can do is try each day to reflect Jesus.
You showed me the sun this morning, and told me it was like Your Son, the Light of the world, and I, I was like the moon, the moon that gets its light reflecting off the Sun, I got my light to share with others reflecting off Your Son. I am to be a reflection of Jesus, so people can see the Light source from Him shining in me. You even use my sin, my failure, Lord, to show His Light. His everlasting Light that can shine through even the dimmest reflection when I failed. Oh, my Lord, thank You. You, who loves me anyway, holding me now, and just letting me cry, tears of joy now, knowing I am forgiven, knowing that I am safe in You. Knowing that tomorrow we will once again, together, give the enemy no room for advancement in this child's life. The enemy once again dead to me, dead to my life, having no place where he is welcome, no place he can wedge in his plans of entrapment for me. Your grace, your wonderful grace, surrounding me like a shield, protecting me.
It is not the work of my hands ever, Lord, but Your hands working through me, Your strength giving me the power to go forth, knowing You have forgotten already what has happened, knowing to You I am Your beloved daughter, Your chosen vessel to use as You will. My God, how I love You, how I long to only worship You, and I do Father. Even through all that was going on, the oppression from the enemy, the entrapment, I was worshiping You, my Lord. I was telling him no matter what he did, I would be worshiping You. Always I will be worshiping You.
This 25th day of March, 2011, I am Your restored child, restored back into the arms of my God where I never want to leave, cleansed, redeemed by the precious blood of Jesus, and loving only You, having been once again showered by Your grace.
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