INSATIABLE HUNGER

Matthew 5:6  "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled."

I don't know how to begin this Lord, that won't make it seem like I am not grateful for what You have given me, what You have done for me.  I am so content with the life You have given me, I don't want anyone misunderstanding what I am saying.  You have been so good to me, so faithful, so wonderful.  There is not one thing You have not done for me, in fact, You have done more for me than I feel I deserve.  Yes, Father, I know, I am Your beloved child and it is Your pleasure, Your will to do good for me.  All my daily needs are met, and yes, there is always enough to eat, I am not hungry for food.

My Lord, I hunger for You.  It seems that the time You spend with me, only makes me hunger for more of You.  I can't find the words right now.  Help me find the words, Lord, to tell You how much I love You, how Your presence thrills me, how You fill me to overflowing, but then no matter what I do, I seem to lose that total absorption of You.   Where You totally have me floating on air, in Your presence, being held by You, feeling Your spirit all over me, I am totally absorbed by You.  You surround me with a sweet, sweet incense of You.  Sometimes You are gone and I still can smell Your presence, but it too, fades away. 

I have come to feel You do this on purpose, my Lord.  I think You leave us for periods of time to see just how hungry we get for You, for Your presence.   To see which of Your children truly hunger for You, to see if some have been content or happy with what You gave them and don't ask for more of You.  I know, there may be some like that, my God, I know.  I don't understand them any more than You do, although You understand, as You can see their hearts.  All I know is that when You are with me, Your presence sitting above me, I do not want You to leave, I want more of you. 

The need to be in Your presence is becoming an obsession with me, and I don't know how to stop it.  I think the real problem is I don't want to stop the need for You, the desire for Your presence, the hunger for You which I never want to cease.  So many have claimed to love You and to want Your presence, and have disappointed You, my Lord.  But search my heart, surely You can see that is not me, surely you can tell how much I love You.  You are on my mind, you are in my heart all the time.  I am obsessed with wanting to read Your word, sing worship songs to You, some others have written, but those new songs from my heart meant just for You to hear.  I just want to please You, Lord.  Please You so You will want to be in my presence as much as I want Yours.

If I could just know, if there was a way, to be here and do Your will, do the work You have for me here on this earth, and to be there with You, in Your throne room at the same time....You are talking to my spirit now.  Yes, Lord, I know.  I see, I don't like it but I do understand.  Yes, if You were surrounding me all the time, I could not function in this life.  I know.  Yes, I cry when Your presence is on me, loving me, I cannot do anything other than listen to You, write when You tell me what to say, as now; I know.  Yes, Lord.  I had to stop here for a little while, but I think I can continue now.  Thank you, Lord, for Your touch, for Your love.

The Lord just told me that He is with me always.  The reason I don't feel His presence so intense always as those special times when it is just the two of us, is because I would not be able to withstand under His Holy Presence and try to work, do the things that I need to do daily.  I know the times His presence has surrounded me in my car I began to cry and could not hardly drive so I do understand.  Don't like it much but I do understand.  My Lord told me that I will know He is there by the peace that flows through me, that river of peace that flows from His Spirit to mine and the joy that floods my soul constantly as I think of Him, as I read His Word.  He is with me.  And the annointing of His presence will still be upon me daily, and then; then, when it is just us, He said even if it is in my car, or at work, when it is just us, and I have that hunger growing so intense in me, He will shower me with His presence to satisfy that moment, that need and desire that is draining me of strength from the longing for Him, He will be there and I will feel His presence.

One day, I will be present in my God's throne room, I will be there with all the other saints, singing and worshiping the King of Kings, the Lamb of Glory, as He is lifted high above the earth, the heavens, rising up on the wings of the glorious worship of His Bride.  There will my hunger finally be filled, where I will thirst no more, all of me being satisfied for eternity as I become one with Him for eternity.  Never to be left wanting, never to know the emptiness of when His presence leaves, never alone without Him again.

My precious Lord, I worship You with my song, with my love, with my life this 4th day of April, 2011.  You will be continually the desire of my heart, I will always have this insatiable hunger for Your presence until that day when You return for Your Bride.