After work, I had to run a quick errand and as I drove down the street,I was going over the list I had written on the gifts God had given me that I was going to write about. I was seeking Him to see which one I should write tonight. As I was thinking on each one, I heard Him speak into my spirit, Expectancy. I said, but that is not on the list; He repeated it, Expectancy. Now I do not know about you, but when the Lord speaks to me so clearly I just become so touched at His words, I start to cry. I am still so overcome by His precious words. Even now, an hour later, all I can to do is weep for the joy of it.
This has not been one of my better weeks. The closer to Christmas it gets, the harder it seems for me. I am so tired, not my usual self. I am somewhat disappointed. I could not bring myself to decorate, put up a tree. None of the usual things. I had thought last year when I could not do this, that this year would be different. I would be able to embrace the season in the same way before Robert's death, but no, not to be. My Lord has been holding me now since Thanksgiving, giving me His precious love, His support. Guiding me through each day, showing me Himself. Supporting me when I could not think on my own.
And then He speaks to me. So quietly, but so firmly. Expectancy. So, I was thinking about this gift, and wondering where it would go, when He began to tell me. He began to tell me what I could expect from Him. He said I could expect Him to supply all my needs. I could expect to be healed in Jesus name if I were to be ill. The Lord said my mind would stay clear, my heart full of the Word. Father said I could expect when I called His Name, that I would hear Him answer me, as He would be so close to me. The words of my Father went on, telling me what I could expect from Him. And then He told me why I could expect these things, these things that it was His good pleasure and will to provide for me. My God told me that I had surrendered my life to Him, that I had given Him complete control, holding nothing back from Him. I had opened every door to my heart and left it wide to be examined for anything that was not of Him. Nothing hidden but all for Him to view, to cleanse, forgive, and forget. The Lord told me I had followed instruction as He taught me how to worship Him. He said now I am His worshiper, none other before Him, none other bringing forth worship and praise but Him. He said I was His Light, showing His love to all that came in contact with me, sharing His love, lifting spirits as He showed me. And now, my Lord said, as you have given all to me, I will give all to you. You can have all things in Me.
I use to want to just die so I could be in Heaven right away, but then I realized that the Lord has so many things for me to do. And I want to be here on that day, with expectancy, to see the clouds divide with such brilliance, such thunder, and see my King riding on that beautiful white stallion, coming in all His Glory to bring peace to His earth and claim His Bride, of which I am part.
So it is with honor, humbleness, all my love, my Lord, that I accept this gift from You, Expectancy. I am so overwhelmed with Your love for me. All my worship, my God, my God, how I love You. What can I say but I love You, I love You. I love and honor You this 17th day of December, 2010.
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