Last year was my first Christmas as a widow. I was so empty, looking for some way to fill that void in my life. My anniversary was at the beginning of December, rough days, so hard. So I bought myself a nice anniversary gift. My husband would have wanted me to. Yes, he really would have, that is how he was. Always wanting me to have everything. Then Christmas came, another hard day. Honestly, the entire year was hard, still is in so many ways, but....wait for the end of this before you feel sadness for me. So, anyway I got a real nice Christmas gift also. The truth of the matter, now, I cannot even remember what the gifts were. All I can tell you is that they were material and filled nothing, void was still there. I found out the way most of us do, that material things do not fill the void in your life, the hurt in your heart, or the hunger in your soul.
Earlier this year, the Lord filled me to the most inner part of me, leaving nothing void, every part of me filled with His beautiful, glorious love. Cleansed every part of me with His miraculous grace and mercy and left me wanting nothing but Him. I lost all the desire for snacking, sweets, everything that was not of Him, I no longer wanted. Then, as I have told you, He taught me how to worship Him. He became my obsession, my reason for each day to be important because it was another day with Him. No longer dreading coming home because I knew my Lord would be here, here at home, and with me everywhere I went. He took me out of what had become a shell and filled my life with so much love, so much love.
Sorry, just thought for those who haven't read earlier posts, I would background a little. Getting back to this time of year. Had all the sales papers come in the newspaper, really have not paid them much mind. People asking did you finish you shopping yet? Are you ready for Christmas? All the questions that are normal every day questions for this time of year. I don't have answers to them. None at all.
My house is not lit up with thousands of lights and so far there is no tree gracing the inner rooms. My heart however is filled and lit up with the LIGHT of the Son, and the GRACE of God fills each room of the house. The house resounds with worship music all night, and during the day when I am home. I fill the house with voice as I sing praises and worship to my God, my Love. He is all I need, He has given me so much these past few months. And this month I am devoted to worshiping and thanking my Lord for the Son He sent, to be born at Christmas, to be received into a world that would kill Him, just so I could have this intimate relationship with Him always, to be one of the few He chooses for His Son's Bride. All have the honor of being asked to be the Bride, but not all receive the invitation. But I have, will not change my heart ever and look forward to that day when my precious Lord comes back for me.
Oh, Yes, the Christms Gift. It is CONTENTMENT. I am so content with my life. There is nothing I want save my Lord's presence, His love. What can equal time spent with the Lord, His glory all around you, knowing that there is nothing He would rather do than to spend time with me, talking with me, teaching me His Word, showing me meaning in the scriptures, giving me understanding. How could I want anything more. There is nothing left to want. No material thing I can think of could possible equal to what I already have in Him.
So, my beautiful Lord, my Savior, My God, sweet Holy Spirit, oh how I am so content with Your gift to me, Contentment. So content with Your fulfillment of me, this 11th day of December, 2010.
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