Deuteronomy 33:19 "Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders."
I was born on a Sunday. I was born on the 4th of July, on a Sunday. Now I always thought that made me pretty special. My daddy had me believing that all those fireworks and picnics were just for my birthday, because of me. I felt pretty special because of all this. I grew up very blessed having parents that I never doubted their love. I had a brother and sister that loved me, and although we were not rich, just a typical middle class family, as I look back, I see how very blessed we were. Not to say there were not problems in our household, but I was loved, and I felt special.
Through the years with all the things I endured, a lot of that special feeling went away. My parents were killed, that's when you realize you can never go home again, and they are not there, no matter how old you get, to let you know how special you are to them. So those feelings pretty much left me. I just lived, remarried, loved and was loved, and I lived day to day. But there was a missing part of me.
When the Lord lifted me back to Him, out of the dark place I was in....do you know, you can be in church, you can be married, you can have people all around you telling you that you are great, you are smart, you are nice, and you still can be in a dark place in your heart, in your soul? I now can look at people and see in their eyes that they are in a role, they want so badly to be part of the role they are playing, but for some reason in their life, it is not coming. I use to have a saying "Fake it until I make it". I would just act like I had it all together until it was natural. I would slap a silly grin on my face until it appeared naturally. No one knew the difference; if they did, I guess they did not care enough to reach out to me to see what I needed, what I was so hungry for. But God....
My Lord knew what I was hungry for, He knew what I needed, what would make me feel special again. And I came to realize what I was hungry for, what I needed, exactly what made me feel special. It was Jesus.....It was the Holy Spirit.....it was my God. I needed the Lord, the completeness of the Lord to make me complete. There is a reason people have that emptiness inside, I believe it is placed in us when we are created, that empty place just waiting to be filled by the Lord. But He will not fill it without that invitation that He is waiting for. That total longing, that desire for only Him, and when you get to the place that nothing will satisfy you except that Jesus fill your very being, He is there. He fills you with a completeness in Him, total and lacking nothing.
Now I am complete in Him, in the Lord I find nothing lacking in myself anymore. I am happy, I am content where He places me, where He leads me I fear not as I know for certain He is not leaving me alone, He is there with me at all times. When I tire, I can lean back into His presence and rest for a moment while He restores my strength with His own, while He refreshes me communing with my spirit, pouring His peace into my heart and joy into my soul. From a childhood of feeling special, through the dry years to now, this time in my life, when I truly have found what feeling special really is. I belong to the Lord. My Father is mine and I am His. I cannot feel anymore special that this. He loves me, don't you see this, He loves me, He loves you. We, His beloved children, are special to Him. He gave all for us, loves us so much. I am so special to Him. So special.
I love to worship You, my Lord. You made me to worship You and I do so with an open heart, open so You can see nothing in it but love for You, a longing and desire that only You can fulfill, a commitment to You that will never cease. I will worship You, my Holy Lord, for You are so worthy of all my worship, all my praise, all my love.
This 21st day of September, 2011, my spirit is looking into the eyes of a Father who loves me with a consuming passion, who has my life in His hands, and will never leave me. This, and only this, is what makes me special.
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