1 Kings 19:11,12 "Then He said, "Go out, and stand on the mountain before the Lord." And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind, and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire, and after the fire, a still small voice."
When I read these passages, Elijah, seeking help from the Lord, so zealous for the Lord, hiding from his enemies, sought the Lord. Fearing his enemies, but loving the Lord, searching for Him to come to talk to him, to help him. The Lord told him to stand out on the mountain before him. The wind came, the earthquake came, then a fire, but the Lord was not in them. Then Elijah heard a still small voice, the voice of the Lord. And the Lord told him what to do, how to handle this problem. Elijah sought the Lord and the Lord came.
How many times have I laid in my bed at night in the past and cried out to the Lord, needing an answer so bad, not sleeping afraid I would not hear the Lord. I need not have worried, I found that when the Lord has something to tell you, He will make sure you hear Him. In the very still of the night, He will whisper to me. He will come when you have almost given up on an answer, in His timing, He will come. I believe my Lord waits until He is sure I want Him to help me, to come to me, more than anything else. When I acknowledge that there is no help but His, no where I would even consider going but to Him; He comes. With that soft, gentle voice, He asks "What do you want from me?" I know that the Lord knows what I need, but He will always want you to ask. He wants me to talk to him, to visit with Him. I believe He loves my company as much as I love His. See, I know He loves me so much. He has shown His love over and over, with His help when I cry out to Him, with His provision for my live, my needs, and His giving of His Son to redeem me. I don't doubt for one instance His great love for me.
But He asks me, "What do you want from me?" I can remember a couple of years ago, crying out to my God for healing of my husband, then for grace to do the things I would have to do, decisions I had to make. There were the lonely nights that followed that I cried for comfort and loneliness. So many times crying to the Lord, Come, Lord help me, undo all this, let's go back, let this not be true. But it was true, no going back. My Lord held me all those nights and just let me adjust, adjust to a live alone. At least, I thought it would be alone. I was so wrong. But He didn't tell me then that I was wrong, He wanted to show me. In the still of the night, He wanted to show me that I would not be alone. It took a while, but then things began to change.
In the night, the quiet of the night, worship music playing softly all night long, each time I awoke, I felt a warmness that I came to recognize as God's presence. As I would wake, my lips singing with the music I heard, worshiping, loving my Lord, I would begin to feel His presence. His joy at my worship, at my love, my desire to please Him. The Lord began to show me what He had in store for me, for my life, His desire for me. He wanted me to continue to grow more and more in love with Him, to the point where there was no doubt in my heart, my mind and my soul who I loved more that life itself. He wanted me to continue in knowledge of how much He loved me, of what He would do for me. Letting me know I would never have to worry as long as I put my love for Him before anything on earth. If I would stay separated from lust for worldly things, the lure of the bright lights and attractions the enemy would constantly put in front of me; taunting me with pictures of my past to drag me down, to make me think I was unlovable, undeserving of God's love. Don't you see now, satan, nothing you can do will make me think of myself any less than a beloved child of God. There is nothing you have in your arsenal that can destroy what God has given me, what He has shown me that is my future with Him, in Him. I WILL NEVER leave my Lord, my God who is my only desire in life. Never will I go from my Lord. Never. If I don't have my God, I have no life.
In the still of the night, my God comes as my worship rises to Him, He comes to spend time with me. To tell me of His plans, His dreams for me. Yes, the Lord has dreams and plans for each of us. But to hear them, you must listen for that gentle, soft voice. The voice you will only hear when you have given Him everything of you, nothing held back, every part of you belonging to Him, longing for Him, desiring to please only Him.
My Lord, I am complete in You. No more nightly tears, no more loneliness. Only peace, joy, wondrous joy in Your presence. Your righteousness, Your glory pouring out on me as I sing to You my praises, my songs of worship, my new songs of love meant only for You. The songs of my heart sung for only You. I give You everything I am, Lord, Your child, seeking only to spend time in Your presence. You ask what do I want from You. I want You Lord, only You. I want to stay in Your presence, in the warmth of Your embrace, each day, each still night.
I am Your child, Father, humbled at what You give me to say, once again, this 18th day of February, 2011.
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