FLOOD OF MEMORIES

Psalm 118:1  "Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever."

As Thanksgiving draws near, memories began to flood my mind and my heart.  Memories of those Thanksgiving gatherings.  We always drove to Robert's family home in Louisiana in those early years of our marriage.  It took about an hour and a half to get there and we would leave early on Thanksgiving Day and drive those ninety miles or so.  We had all the traditional Thanksgiving food, so much food.  There was always a few people around the table that were not family, but my mother- in-law was one of those special ladies that would not leave anyone home alone on a Sunday for dinner, much less a holiday. There was always a lot of laughter, good food, much love there.  I especially remember the sweet potato pies that a lady in their town made. Mom always bought about a dozen so each of the kids would have a couple to take home. 

About four in the afternoon we would leave to drive home, and on the way home, we would stop at my mama and daddys for leftovers.  I always left room for leftovers at mama's as no one could cook like my mama.  For years we did this, two big meals on that day, until of course, when mama and daddy were gone.  It is hard for me to remember those couple of years afterwards, I cannot even remember what we did.  But not long afterwards, I begin to do my own cooking of the meal on Thanksgiving.  I remember replicating everything that graced mama's table as that is what I knew.  Robert had no complaints in this as he loved it all too.

And then Robert was gone.  The last two years I went to my brother-in-laws for Thanksgiving, and I did not cook much of anything.  I baked pies.  But his year I am going to cook a little something to take to my friends. There will be around twenty people there and it should be a wonderful day. I will bake a turkey, make dressing and pies.  I am looking forward to doing this and will begin tomorrow. 


Of all these memories that come to me, the memory that invades my mind the most is the remembrance of my Lord God staying so close to me, always close but especially so in those years following the loss of mama and daddy and then the years since Robert went to join them to be with the Lord.  My Lord never left me for a minute.  You ever think that when you lose someone so much a part of you that there will be such an empty place?  Well, there is, for a good while, but then one morning you wake up and you find that the empty place has begun to fill up with more of the Lord, more of Him, less pain and sorrow, more peace and joy.  You find that there is that want to be a part of the holiday again, cooking, baking, being with friends and family.  You find that you no longer feel guilty that you are alive and enjoying the things that your loved one enjoyed so much.  That is okay to enjoy the good food, the fellowship and the specialness of the day.  I felt so guilty for so long after Robert passed, everytime I laughed and was happy I would stop and think, I am supposed to be grieving, not happy.  But that is a great tool of the enemy to keep you in bondage.  We should never feel guilty.  My loved ones are enjoying the presence of my God.  They have a beautiful life and I know they want me to have the same.  My Lord has blessed me with all the goodness of His Kingdom and I know He expects me to be happy and joyous.  So, grieving set aside, no more guilt, just happiness in the life the Lord has prepared for me.  I miss my parents so much, and I miss my Robert, my husband, my best friend, but I have life that the Lord has given to me.  I have peace and joy that comes from my Father and it has replaced all the sorrow.  Truly sorrow lasts for the night and true joy comes in the morning.  I never understood that years ago, but I know its deep meaning now.  There is joy in the morning when the Lord is your God.

The memories, once painful, now such a comfort and blessing to me.  I know that memories are a gift from the Lord.  It keeps those we love so much that are gone, a part of our lives forever.  I give You thanks my Lord, for You are good, and it is Your love that brings to me this beautiful flood of memeories this night.  I love You so much, my Lord, my God.